too much on my mind...

i have way too many thoughts to adequately focus on any single thing. so here goes:

i went clothes shopping yesterday. clothes shopping has been incredibly frustrating lately, as no clothiers seem to make a mens' waist size less than 30 inches these days. i've written about this before. and it sucks. i'm reduced to wearing shorts with holes, because i can't find anything that fits. and i'm not that freakin' small! frustrating...

but i had some luck at the gap this weekend. my first new pair of shorts in a couple years. even some good jeans. still nothing i can wear to a meeting at work. but something. and i've been wearing the same size for 15 years - except now i'm somehow an inch smaller in the waist. and five pounds heavier. damn that working out!

the neighbor's house is "under contract." which mildly reduces the pain of k's parents movin a half-mile away in less than a month. and, apparently, k moving a mile away in the other direction the same weekend. oh lord...

tattoo update: none really. that comes tomorrow, when i meet with an artist. we'll see - i want to trust someone to do what i'm looking for. otherwise, no ink...

ian's out of town this week. which sucks. the sleeping in is nice, but the difference between 6:30 and 7:00 does not make up for the absence of his smile. he left yesterday morning, and my - how i miss him...

i still can't slow down, although i'll keep trying. i set off on a 5-mile, easy run tonite - and went out at a 7:48 pace. somehow, two miles later i ran 7:30. this was not what i wanted to do. i managed to push myself to a 10k, with an average split of 7:58. but i wanted more along the lines of 8:30. i'm a stubborn, competetive idiot. oh well - next time...

entering psychosis...

so i'm feeling a bit psychotic...

last year at this time, i was dealing with a separation and pending divorce. mediation - which, despite not having to pay exhorbitant lawyer fees (although i still spent 1500 bucks) - sucked. k was an exercise nut... over the top. and i was enjoying the peace from her nagging. meaning i was doing exactly nothing. enter august, though, when greenfish's exploits in the swimming pool convinced me to take up a childhood activity and a gym membership. followed by carrie's challenge in december to do a triathlon. and here i am...

today i signed up to do the boulder backroads half-marathon. if you've read this site (i know, that's you carrie and ashley), you know that i was never a runner. didn't actually pick up running until february - and that was only because i was doing a flippin' triathlon in june. never thought running was remotely fun and was never remotely motivated to run. and here i am, signed up, $65 dollars out-of-pocket, to do a half-marathon. in september. four weeks after tri number two...

semi-psychotic. but thanks to my training partner, my motivator, some footwear advice from everyone's favorite blogger, some inspiration, and a desire to prove to myself that i can do it - well, i'm gonna do it. and after last night's run, 13.1 doesn't seem unrealistic...

although psychotic is pretty close...

mission accomplished...

tonite was the real breakthrough. 10 miles, outside, 8:28 pace. i wanted to force myself to run at a bit slower pace (8:45ish), but i need to allow myself to practice this and get better. as it is, this is easily my furthest run and longest run (1 hour, 24 minutes). and while i started feeling it the last couple miles, i really felt pretty strong the whole way. next goal - half-marathon. and after that? i've never felt remotely compelled to run 26.2... but who knows? i've surprised myself quite a bit over the last 11 months...

downside? blisters. one, two, three new blisters. perhaps i should get something better than my 30-dollars-on-sale running shoes...?

learning self-control...

i'm home today. or, rather, not at work today. ian's day care decided they needed a five-day holiday weekend, so i have to pleasure of a mid-week full day with my boy. it's not often we get these outside of the weekend, and we're taking full advantage. ian's highlight? a new bike helmet. my highlight? lunch...

i did manage to get a good run in this morning, althought not the distance run outdoors that i've been wanting to do (but conveniently not getting around to). but it was kind of a breakthrough run for me nonetheless...

see, i have a difficult time monitoring the speed of my runs. i seem to feel i have to run - fast - for the run to be worth it. and the speed that i can't seem to restrain limits my ability to go for distance - which means my long distance to this point is seven miles, and i'm usually in the five-mile range for a "long" run...

but i realized last week, running with greenfish, that a slower cadence equals a greater capacity for distance. that if i run in the range of 9-minute miles rather than 7:30 miles, i can probably run for a much longer - and much more fulfilling - distance. i know this is preaching to the choir, i know it's common sense, but i just haven't been able to back off...

until today. today i didn't push it. i set the time on the treadmill, i ran at a moderate pace, and i felt i could go forever. and it's not that the overall distance was anything to write home about - but the feeling right now that i could actually go out for another run today or go for a long-distance run tomorrow is pretty rewarding...

back on the bike...

the diagnosis from the doc was allergies. relief - because i didn't want some respiratory bug knocking me out. but discouraging in a way - because my allegies have never manifested themselves in the form of a gutteral, phlegmy, rib-bursting cough. don't really want to look forward to this every june, but deal with the cards you're dealt, right?

today i got out for the first real activity since the triathlon (not counting thursday's run with greenfish which was encouraging because i wasn't affected by the cough). the afternoon skies turned cloudy and the heat backed-off a little, so i managed to get out for a 30-mile ride. it felt pretty good, although by about mile 23 i was beginning to struggle, and at mile 24 i discovered a slow leak in my rear tire (with no spare) that had me stopping every mile on the way in to add air. all told, though, it felt great to get out and do something. hopefully this is the kick-start for the new training regimen that gets me to the steamboat tri in about 8 weeks...