dónde están mis pantalones, por favor?

i decided to go shopping this afternoon. i'm feeling like i need some new pants, and i had a whole day to kill and even though i'm not particularly fond of shopping i decided to go shopping. mall shopping. multiple store shopping...

i came home a couple hours later completely disheartened.

see, i've been wearing the exact same size pant for years now - we're talking a good fifteen years. 29/30. that's 29 inch waist, 30 inch inseam. i'm not really a small guy - sure, i'm a little on the shorter side, but i'm not skinny. but apparently over the course of the last several years while i've stayed the same size, the average american male consumer has gotten larger. because i simply cannot find a 29 inch waist in a casual pant anymore...

how did this happen? isn't the fashion industry's emphasis on being thin? haven't women's clothes shrunk and shrunk over time? how is it, then, that i cannot find a pair of pants that fit? do you expect me, banana republic, to eat a bag of oreos every day to fit into your pantalones? would you like, j crew, for me to add a layer of fat to my middle in order to over-spend at your store?

it's ridiculous. i want pants. i need pants. society expects that i wear pants. yet the mall-store-fashion-society no longer seems to think i deserve pants. please, someone - anyone - make me a size 29. i'll pay for it, i promise i will. well, except for that seersucker crap or pleated pants. all you 30s can keep those...