overwhelming expectations...

i don't get easily overwhelmed with work often, and i'm not now - but i feel like i could fall apart at any moment...

i really enjoy my job. i get to create and design and defend on a daily basis. i get to work on interesting projects with a range of clients with a range of expectations. but no matter the project - no matter how high or low profile it may be - i hold myself to very high expectations...

in the past, it has been relatively easy to maintain those expectations, as i've typically worked alone on projects. you see, i'm the only planner/urban designer in an office of landscape architects. and for most of the past five years, i've generally had a workload that has allowed me to manage the projects and do the production work and get it all done in the structure of a 40 hour week. but in the past 9 months or so, i've been taking on more and more projects of varying levels of design. and i've gotten past the point that i can do it all by myself anymore...

the problem with having high expectations is that not everyone has the ability or the capacity or the patience to meet those expectations. and while working by myself for years was good for my sanity, it left me with a deficiency in the ability to explain to others the breadth of my expectations. details should be considered from day one, anything we put on paper should be inherently build-able, what we do should both educate and be responsive to context, the client should understand that we understand the big picture every step of the way...

i think i've always just believed that everyone thinks this way. but i've discovered in the past several months that it's not universal. i like the people i work with. i think we have a sense of design in this office that surpasses most other firms. but we're not all equally picky. and we're not all willing or able to put the thought or the detail into a design that i strive to do every day. and learning how to deal with that, learning to maintain expectations while teaching those expectations... this is the process that i'm living with these days.

that process can be overwhelming. i have a wonderful working relationship with one person in the office - we see eye-to-eye in terms of details and quality, and learn from one-another when we have the opportunity to work together. but today i'm working with three other people in the office on three different projects who i haven't worked closely with before. three people with varying levels of ability and experience. and because i'm not the best teacher, this can be overwhelming. and because i'm picky, i worry that i'll overwhelm them...

i joke sometimes that i'm an anal bastard, especially when i have to explain that something wasn't up to snuff. what i hope for is that those high expectations will rub off on others. what i fear is that people will see me as just that - an anal bastard...