tri two (in more ways than one)...

okay. so i'm a competetive mother. especially when it comes to myself. i just deleted a crap race report - because i laid in bed thinking that it wasn't me. i was once (and still am) a decent writer, a decent story-teller. but i've gotten away from what makes me so - and that's the heart of the story...

i've had a painful year and a half. 18 months ago, i was a mess. my wife (at the time) had cheated on me, and i was living with the wounds. i worked my ass of to make it better for us - and she did no work in return. we split up, my spirit broken. father to a 20-month old son, i was a mess...

over time, i worked myself up the ladder of self-preservation. and i had a friend who i leaned on for support and for spirit. she had begun swimming, and our conversations about it convinced me to sign up for a health club membership. and in august of last year, i started swimming again for the first time in 17 years...

in december, carrie asked if i'd like to do a triathlon. i'd talked about it a bit with greenfish, but never really believed i had it in me. but in pre-christmas spirit i thought - why not... and this weekend we did the tri that we talked about so long ago...

the race went well, having my family and my son there with me meant more than finishing ever could. but the entirety of the last 18 months has meant the most to me...

when i discovered i wasn't good enough for k, i knew i was in trouble. because i hadn't had much of a reason to believe in myself in the last several years. in the end, i worked hard to save my marriage, only to discover that it wasn't worth saving in her eyes. and that was a tough blow for a guy who defined himself by his family...

yet over the last 16 months, i've allowed myself the opportunity to regain some sense of purpose. i've always lived for my son, but i've learned that part of that is living for my son - keeping my heart healthy and my mind engaged. i've learned to push my body and to strive for a physical goal - rather than letting age and genetics get the best of me. i've fought my own devices and become a runner and a swimmer and a biker, all while hanging on to the person i most want to be... a good father. and i've come through it all with a better relationship with my sister and an incredible friendship that i'd never thought possible last spring. i've come out of this a better man, and thank god for that..

so the race report... i did well. i am proud of myself. seven months ago, i couldn't run a mile, and yesterday i followed a 3/4 mile swim and 20 mile ride with a four mile run. i improved on my first tri. i raced with my sister. and my son and my father, both smiling and cheering, shared a high-five with me seconds before i crossed the finish line. and today i feel a strength and a self-worth that i haven't felt for most, if not all, of my adult life. please excuse me while i feel good...