speaking of the children...

the purity of the children

many of you know that my sister has been going through an extremely difficult custody battle with the father of her children. she's documented well the torment that he's levied on her life, his uncanny ability to manipulate not only her but seemingly anybody that might help him to get his way, and the difficulty of getting away from his inexplicable magnetism. she's fighting the fight of her life right now. i worry for her every day, i support her where i can. and i have to fight the urges of the protective older brother because i know saying what i'd like to say or doing what i'd like to do would cost so much more than it would gain. it's a battle i wouldn't wish on anyone, and i can't tell you how difficult it is watching my own sister go through it and feeling helpless to do anything about it...

at the same time, it makes me thankful for the relationship that i have with ian's mom. yes, she cheated on me. yes, she gave up on us even when i was fighting with all my might to save our marriage and a level of stability in ian's life. yes, she hurt me and drained my self-confidence for a while. but through it all, there's been an mutual and unspoken agreement that ian's happiness, ian's greoundedness, ian's comfort, and ian's emotional "purity" is the most important thing in either of our lives. and while we've had moments when the last thing we've wanted is to see one-another, we've never let those emotions creep into the light of ian's world. we don't use one-another against ian to gain some kind of sacred ground. i know k is a good and loving mom to ian and she knows i'm a good and loving dad. and we don't think we're anything special because of it - we're not walking around patting ourselves on the back for a parenting relationship that we know ian deserves...

i pray that one day carrie can free herself from the shadow cast by a man who cannot compute that his children are more important than his need to win. because life is so much better when you know that your kids come first - in everybody's eyes...

dónde están mis pantalones, por favor?

i decided to go shopping this afternoon. i'm feeling like i need some new pants, and i had a whole day to kill and even though i'm not particularly fond of shopping i decided to go shopping. mall shopping. multiple store shopping...

i came home a couple hours later completely disheartened.

see, i've been wearing the exact same size pant for years now - we're talking a good fifteen years. 29/30. that's 29 inch waist, 30 inch inseam. i'm not really a small guy - sure, i'm a little on the shorter side, but i'm not skinny. but apparently over the course of the last several years while i've stayed the same size, the average american male consumer has gotten larger. because i simply cannot find a 29 inch waist in a casual pant anymore...

how did this happen? isn't the fashion industry's emphasis on being thin? haven't women's clothes shrunk and shrunk over time? how is it, then, that i cannot find a pair of pants that fit? do you expect me, banana republic, to eat a bag of oreos every day to fit into your pantalones? would you like, j crew, for me to add a layer of fat to my middle in order to over-spend at your store?

it's ridiculous. i want pants. i need pants. society expects that i wear pants. yet the mall-store-fashion-society no longer seems to think i deserve pants. please, someone - anyone - make me a size 29. i'll pay for it, i promise i will. well, except for that seersucker crap or pleated pants. all you 30s can keep those...

v...

tomorrow, the company that i work for turns five years old...

that's not a big deal to most. after all, lots of small firms have made it to five years, only to fail down the road. hell, lots of big firms have made it five years only to fail down the road...

but i remember very well about 5 years and 2 months ago. my boss took me and another close compatriot to lunch. and on the way he broke loose the bomb - i'm leaving... i'm starting my own firm... i'm tired of the bullshit that i've been dealing with and i've got the support of my wife. and i'm done...

i remember that day so well because i felt abandoned in a way. but i soon realized that it was the best thing for him. he deserved better. he had earned what he would never be given. and i was happy for him...

then about a month after he left, he called me. wanted to go to lunch. and over the next month, we figured out how we could make it work. and by make it work, i mean - i could go work for him. along with one of my best friends. we were about to make a leap of faith - all of us - in a vision for a better job, and a better life...

on july 12, 2001, i went to work for a one-person firm that immediately became a three person firm. we spent the next couple months doing small work, not knowing where the next job would come from - but believing in who we were. we worked out of my boss's garage. for two months. oh my - that feels like a lifetime ago...

today, we're ten people. in 9 months, we're moving to our fourth office space. and we're doing work that is eons above where we came from or where we began. we have a vision. and while we're not perfect, we have incredible people and a great philosophy and a tremendous direction. and we honestly believe in doing great work...

so for our fifth anniversary, my gratitude goes out to my boss and to my co-workers and to my profession. because i love what i do. and i appreciate who i work for and who i work with. and i look forward to the next five years - with the very acute memory of where the last five have taken us...

congratulations, dennis. and thanks for inviting me all those years ago to be a part of it...

treadmill 5k...

good run today - i decided to run a 5k for time, and the knee didn't bother me for the first time in a few weeks. i needed a good workout today because i'm taking tomorrow off to ski with my youngest brother and my dad. really looking forward to getting on the mountain with them - it's probably been 10 years or more...

today's time:

mile 1 - 7:20
mile 2 - 7:02
mile 3 - 6:49
5k total - 21:51