on the market...

it's official. the sign's in the yard. the pictures have been taken. the price has been set. and it may not be the best time of year to do this kind of thing (and i know - i've been through it before), but my house is on the market.

blogland, please cross your fingers for a quick sale. i need to move on with this life, and part of that is starting new in a place of my own. a place that can really reflect me.
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on a different note - since i haven't spoken a word about training lately - well, training. for the past couple months it's been running and weights on the weekend only... weekday life has just been too crowded. i may be a little hopeful (or naive), but i'm going to do my best to get my run on another day every week... starting this week. the positive is that the same chris who didn't run one bit this time last year is putting in five to six miles at a time - which is working out to about 45 miles a month. 2005 chris would have called me a lunatic...

down

not a great time in foolish epidemic land. too many memories, too much stress, too alone. thing is - this is the time of year that i used to look forward to the most. now, it's just a reminder of everything that i don't and can't have.

the next couple months are bound to suck. just hope i can get through them with some semblance of sanity...

i have failed you, oh internet...

so i haven't posted in a while again. i also haven't set goals and have been making it to the gym in embarassing infrequency. but i do have excuses. which means i have excuses, and no real reasons. ah... what's a guy to do?

excuse no. 1: i'm selling my house. and buying another. seems my "special taxing district" means 3x the surrounding metropolitan property tax. yeah - that's pretty special. and although i've been in the house for nearly 2.5 years, the city just levied that tax. and i have the pleasure of paying back taxes for a year. and - ouch - a tax increase plus back taxes equals unaffordable.

at the same time, though, it allows me to start again on my own. to erase the unfortunate memories that reside in this house. to pay k off and eliminate my debt to her (that isn't due for another 16 months - but early is good, right?), to find a place that is me and mine. there are a hundred stressful things to consider along the way, but it'll be a good thing in the end...

excuse no. 2: i've been lazy. after the race for the cure in denver a couple weeks ago, i've got nothing lined up on the horizon to train for. it's getting cold, nighttime occurs an hour earlier, and i just haven't felt like getting to the gym on weeknights. because i'm a bum...

and that's me lately. a lazy, house-selling, non-posting bum. i will get better - but i will make no more promises to you, internet. i've raised expectations enough already and failed you miserably. i just hope i don't disappear altogether...

a humble return...

so, it's come to my attention that i haven't updated this site in nearly a month. what, you may ask, could i have been doing for the last month that was more important than updating this site? don't get me started...

- certainly not running. or training, should i say. since the steamboat triathlon i've run a total of four times. bike - nada. swim - nada...

- recovering. last week was all about recovering from a cold that shut me down for a week. ingesting over-the-counter drugs. trying to convince ian to cover his mouth when he coughs. sleeping much more than normal...

- sleeping. like i said - much more than normal. with tons of pressure at work (more than anyone really sees), i've been drained by the time i get home. so sleep starts near 9:00 every night. i've been a sleeping machine...

that's been my month. not training, recovering and sleeping. and working. of course, there was also the boulder backroads half-marathon this past weekend. my first ever distance race... i've never even run a 10k event, much less a half-marathon. but i managed to lace up the shoes after a long cold and little training and ran a race-official 1:54.57 13.1 miles. and it could have been better except for the intense hip-pain that, at mile 11, caused me to stop and stretch out for a couple excruciating minutes. for 11 miles, i managed an 8:28 pace. and then my body fought back...

i managed to finish, though (522 out of 2024), and learned that training for a race of that length is probably pretty important. that it takes more attention than just wanting to finish to finish strong. and i determined that next year i'll go back for a second chance - a chance at redemption that i don't really need. because, for heaven's sake, i just ran 13 freakin' miles. january chris would have scoffed at such an idea...

next step: a plan for the off-season. because i plan to redeem myself at each of the events i did this summer, and add a couple more for good measure. and because if i don't plan, i won't do anything. and if i don't do anything, this site will be silent. and the last thing i want to do is bore the internet...

tri two (in more ways than one)...

okay. so i'm a competetive mother. especially when it comes to myself. i just deleted a crap race report - because i laid in bed thinking that it wasn't me. i was once (and still am) a decent writer, a decent story-teller. but i've gotten away from what makes me so - and that's the heart of the story...

i've had a painful year and a half. 18 months ago, i was a mess. my wife (at the time) had cheated on me, and i was living with the wounds. i worked my ass of to make it better for us - and she did no work in return. we split up, my spirit broken. father to a 20-month old son, i was a mess...

over time, i worked myself up the ladder of self-preservation. and i had a friend who i leaned on for support and for spirit. she had begun swimming, and our conversations about it convinced me to sign up for a health club membership. and in august of last year, i started swimming again for the first time in 17 years...

in december, carrie asked if i'd like to do a triathlon. i'd talked about it a bit with greenfish, but never really believed i had it in me. but in pre-christmas spirit i thought - why not... and this weekend we did the tri that we talked about so long ago...

the race went well, having my family and my son there with me meant more than finishing ever could. but the entirety of the last 18 months has meant the most to me...

when i discovered i wasn't good enough for k, i knew i was in trouble. because i hadn't had much of a reason to believe in myself in the last several years. in the end, i worked hard to save my marriage, only to discover that it wasn't worth saving in her eyes. and that was a tough blow for a guy who defined himself by his family...

yet over the last 16 months, i've allowed myself the opportunity to regain some sense of purpose. i've always lived for my son, but i've learned that part of that is living for my son - keeping my heart healthy and my mind engaged. i've learned to push my body and to strive for a physical goal - rather than letting age and genetics get the best of me. i've fought my own devices and become a runner and a swimmer and a biker, all while hanging on to the person i most want to be... a good father. and i've come through it all with a better relationship with my sister and an incredible friendship that i'd never thought possible last spring. i've come out of this a better man, and thank god for that..

so the race report... i did well. i am proud of myself. seven months ago, i couldn't run a mile, and yesterday i followed a 3/4 mile swim and 20 mile ride with a four mile run. i improved on my first tri. i raced with my sister. and my son and my father, both smiling and cheering, shared a high-five with me seconds before i crossed the finish line. and today i feel a strength and a self-worth that i haven't felt for most, if not all, of my adult life. please excuse me while i feel good...